lulus2an anak SMU di Denmark

Di Denmark, udah jadi tradisi klo mereka lulus SMU atau SMK, mereka bakal jalan-jalan keliling kota dengan truk terbuka. Bikin ribut sana-sini sepanjang weekend dari jumat sampe minggu. Berisikkkkkkk banget dah ! Dengan klakson rame, teriak2, sambil dadah-dadahin. Biasanya sih orang2 yang dijalan bakal bales dadah2 atau ngasih jempol tanda : BRAVO ! Soalnya katanya sih susah lulusnya, ngga semua anak dikelas lulus dari ujian akhir. Udah gitu ada juga lagu saling hina2annya. Macem kya anak IPA lawan IPS lah, udah lulus, mereka masih aja hina2an. Kya kita di indo hina2annya kya," anak ipa ntar lulus buntutu2nya kerja ngambil ladang anak ips !" terus anak ipa yang," anak ips klo cuman gitu2 doank pelajarannya mah cemen ! gw juga bisa lulus klo cuman gitu doank !" hahahaha, bukan bikin anak IPA dan IPS ribut, cuman di sini juga gitu. Terus anak STM sama anak SMK yang laen. Ah, ribet lah, tapi mereka lebih hina2an topi.

Yep, hina2an topi. Di Denmark, dan di negara nordic laennya sebenernya, klo lo lulus, lo berhak make tuh topi kebanggaan :



Sebutannya, Studenterhue. Biasanya sih, ntar abis keliling-keliling kota mereka bakal berhenti dimana gitu, terus minum2 deh =D.

Nah, khusus untuk topi ini, ada tradisi-tradisinya juga seperti :
1. Bad luck klo si topi udah dipake atau bahkan cuman dicoba sebelum ujian akhir selese.
2. Udah jadi tradisi klo mereka nulis nilai dari ujian akhir mereka di tengah2 garis topi
3. Temen2 sekelas dan temen2 laen nulis sesuatu di garis topi tsb
4. Murid yang dapet nilai paling tinggi dan paling kecil harus nraktir bir untuk anak-anak sekelas.
5. dll

lucu juga, lucu juga... =p

update

Well...Tetep, udah lama gw ngga update blog. Yaaa...Berhubung temen2 gw pada nanyain juga gimana kabar blog gw, well, kabarnya, males nulis sodara-sodara !

Hehehehe...Tapi seperti semangat anget anget t*i ayam yang selalu terjadi dalam hidup guah kembali membara so gw mulai nulis lageee =D.

Anyway, gimana kabar semuaaaaa ??? pada seneng kah, maseeehh ?? well, buat yang ulang taon selama postingan gw yang terakhir sampe sekarang met ulang taon yeh, terus yang baru jadian atau baru nikah, selamet juga yeh, terus yang baru lulus kuliah atau akhirnya sidang jua, selamet juga yeeee, terus yang abis diputusin pacarnya atau abis mutusin pacarnya, selamet menempuh hidup baru yeh, terus yang baru beli hengpong baru, laptop baru, ipod baru, camera baru, selamet yeeh, lo udah membuat gw iri (khususnya yang baru beli sony vaio, SIAAALLLLLL !!!!), terus selamet seneng terus bete karena kudu kerja yeh, buat yang abis liburan, hahahaha.

Okeh, sekarang kabar guah.

Banyak yang terjadi sih, semenjak postingan terakhir. Salah satunya, gw pindah ke Denmark. Iye, gw tau lo pasti pade ngga bisa percaya, gw juga =D. Untungnya kota tempat gw tinggal ngga bikin esmosi banget. Copenhagen tuh yeee, ampun deh brantakannya, gw pikir scandinavia tuh rapih, ternyata eh ternyata, gw kangen sama kerapiannya Belanda !!! Gw baru pindah pas akhir Apr 2010. Pas cabut dari Belanda juga semuanya tiba-tiba. Gw sih, ya, apa mau dikata. Tapi intinya, sekarang gw udah di denmark, dan gw pengen balik mulu ke belanda. Gw inget dulu pas awal2 gw dibelanda, gw ngga suka sama belanda karena anginnya yang minta ditampol bener, cuman pas gw liburan ke prancis selatan selama 9 hari, gw bisa menghargai belanda dan belajar cinta sama belanda, sampe akhirnya, ya, gw cinta. Dan waktu gw harus pindah ke denmark, gw pikir gw akan lebih mencintai negara yang baru ini daripada belanda secara gw cinta banget sama scandinavia. ternyata eh ternyata, denmark belum bisa menggantikan posisinya belanda di hati gw, huehehehe...

Sama seperti si pacar lucu belum bisa menggantikan kedudukannya si pacar lama di hati guah, halah !

Oh iyah ! ini sekalian pengumuman sodara2, ada pacar baru neeh (pacar baru alhamdullilah ! (singing mode on* =p ). Jadinya, gw lagi bahagia2nya. Apakah dia baik ? ya, yang gw tau begitu. Apa dia sayang sama gw, yang gw tau begitu. Apakah dia cinta sama gw ? itu yang dia bilang (ehm ehm... =p). Apakah dia memuja gw, yang gw tau begitu. Apa dia mau berkorban untuk gw, yang gw tau juga begitu. Tapi semua yang gw tau, itu baru, jadi gw ngga bisa percaya 100% juga lah. Dan apakah gw sayang sama si pacar lucu ? percaya sama gw, gw sayang. Apakah gw nyaman sama dia ? yang gw tau, gw TERLALU nyaman sama dia. Apakah gw cinta dia ? sayangnya, gw ngga tau. Tapi apakah dia membuat gw bahagia ? ya, dia membuat gw SANGAT bahagia =).

So i hope it's enough for now =).

perfectness

Maybe the whole relationship isn't really for me.

Not talking about my ex. It just, well, i'm dating like a bunch of guy after him. None of them is really really can make me want to stay in a relationship, and none of them is making me have butterflies in my tummy.

There are few guys i like recently, but that's it.

If only i can make them becoming one person (not three), i would like him a lot =p.

So love isn't really my thing, i guess. Again, all of my life is actually not meant to get what i want and what i really love, because i kept on getting what i don't really want and love. Seems like life being so not fair to me.

I can see my friends happy with what they have, but i could not just happy with what i have. They happy, because most of them get what they want, at least what they love. But me, *sigh*, i don't think that three years will be enough.

Anyway, kemaren akhirnya gw gereja bo ! Ya oloh ! Setelah segini lamanya ngga menginjak yang namanya gereja, agak lucu juga.

Pas malem lagi ngobrol sama Mark (of of the three), dia nanya gw ngapain aja seharian. Ya cerita lah pagi ketemu sama temen bentar, siang ketemu sama the girls (dan dapet kenalan baru, namanya astrid =p) gereja bareng berempat, sorenya balik, dinner bareng di den haag, terus jalan dikit mampir ke bar (Dudok -can believe that i actually spent my time there, since i'm a (not) doing napak tilas novel Negeri van Orange =p), but i did. And it was nice. Si Anggun agak ngomel pas gw mesen Baileys yang kedua, takut dia repot bawa gw pulang klo gw mabok, buset deh nggun, ngga mungkin mabok kaleeee.... Si merry juga mengiyakan klo gw ngga bakal mabok karena dia udah pernah ngeliat gw minum =D. Ngga lama di Dudok, soalnya astrid dan merry musti pulang ke kota masing2, oia, si rifka muncul di Dudok, soalnya di sms si anggun ngasih tau kita di Dudok =D.

Lucu juga menyadari klo gw baru bener2 maen sama anak Indonesia pas mau pulang, perasaan dulu2 kerjaan gw klo libur klo ngga maen ke kota laen, ya, yaa... =p. Paling ketemu orang indo cuman dewi seorang, atau ngga irma, pas si dewi lagi balik ke indo.

Menyadari kalau bentar lagi gw selesai di belanda, gw semakin semakin ngga mau pulang. Dulu gw pikir karena si pacar(ex), tapi ternyata, setelah makin kesini setelah putus, bukan si pacar(ex) yang bikin gw mau menetap, dan si mala emang bener dengan pernyataan dia tentang gw di status fbnya beberapa waktu yang lalu :

" Dia terlanjur jatuh cinta dengan eropa."

Because i am.

And i think, i'm in love with Europe since i was a kid. I remember that i always want to live in France someday when i was a kid, married french guy, and then live in Bordeaux. My house will going to be a castle (hihi), where the family of my husband has their own grape plantation and also has their home wine factory. We have three kids, the first are twins boy and the second is a girl. And i'm working from home mom since i dream to be a success author since i was a kid so i still can watch and take care the kids with my own. I remember i always thought that i'm going to get married when i reach my 28 of age. I still have three years to make it happen, i know, but i don't think three years is enough to build a new relationship, the really serious one. The one that the guy wont query me a lot about my seriousness (is this actually a word ??anyway...)to him and to our future. and then when i reached 19, when i found out about au pair, i add something to my dream, that i want to have an au pair so my kids will learn many language from her and i will treat her like what i always want to be treated if i were an au pair (and now since i'm an au pair, i know how exactly it is =p).

So many dreams i think about my future family. The other one is, that even we live in france, we still have some small house in Indonesia, in Lombok, for specifi, the place where we're going to live whenever we're going back to Indonesia to do some indonesian family visit and vacation of course.

But now, i have to change a few.

Your dream is like a blueprint of your journey of life. You can make it as perfect as you want. But then while you going through your life, you will change a bit (or even a lot) of your blueprint. You'll add something more details that you haven't thought about it before or because things change in your life because unfortunately it isn't going like what you plan before, to make it not just perfect (well, since nothing perfect in this life, so lets say, perfect in the nowadays world standard -make a perfectness from imperfect-) but also applicable in life you live in.

Until it's perfect.

Perfectness in imperfect.

Ever since i'm asking why, i start questioning myself about why i'm still asking the "why" question. I knew things won't be perfect, it's life. I just can't accept the fact that i actually failed.

So now maybe i have to learn to stop asking why, but instead of asking why, i just think with cold brain and change the blueprint.

Loves might hurt when you failed. But it's not the end of the world. It's not the reason why the Greatest Art created you. You were here for some reason that bigger than that. Finding someone that meant to be with you is not the end of your world, so if you couldn't find him/her now, it doesn't mean that your world stopping. You gotta keep it spinning.

It's not your destiny. Your destiny is bigger than that.

And you know what i'm missed for all these months ?

I forgot about the fact that my blueprint will trully guide me to find my destiny.

YOUR BLUEPRINT will guide you to find your destiny.

SO no matter how old you are now, if you haven't have your blueprint, you still can make it.

Map your life how you want it to be. And change it when things changes (because nothing really stay forever).

So now my question is,

"how's your blueprint ?"

ikhlas

You know what’s sad about love ?
It’s when you happen to know that there’s just no hope for you to being together yet you still pray to make it work.
It’s when your mind says let go but your heart say hold on.
And most of all, it’s when no matter how you try to forget him you just can’t.
(Because of the fact that you still love him and you just don’t know why)

Just because my eyes don’t have tears, it doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t cry.
Just because you always see me strong, it doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong.
Sometimes I choose to pretend that I’m happy so I don’t have to explain to people who would never even understand.
Smiling is always easier than explaining to all why I’m sad.
It’s never the tears that measure the pain, sometimes it’s the smile i fake.

I don’t know why i'm hanging on to something i know that i better off letting go. It’s like i'm scared to lose what i don’t even really have.

Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing. But the truth is, “ to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.”

So i decided to release you.

You can go now...

Doesn't mean that i don't love you, but because i love you.

until now

Sebenernya gw juga tau, klo gw cuman wasting time aja tenggelam lama-lama kya gini. Sebenernya gw juga tau, klo untuk apa gw nangis, orang yang gw nangisin aja ngga perduli juga gw sehancur apa. Sebenernya gw juga tau, klo orang yang gw cintai entah sampai kapan jelas-jelas ngga punya perasaan yang sama kya gw, soalnya klo dia punya, jarak ngga akan tiba-tiba jadi masalah besar kya gini. Soalnya kalau dia juga, punya perasaan yang sama, kya perasaan gw, dia ngga akan terus-terusan meragukan gw.

Gw bukan mantannya yang dulu...

Gw ngga akan dengan mudah jatuh sana sini kepelukan cowo laen (emangnya gw cewe apaan ??)...

Sejuta keraguan dia lontarkan, yang gw tangkep cuman satu, dia menganggap gw sama kya mantannya itu, dia masih beranggapan kalau semua cewe itu sama. Masih, ngga percaya sama cewe.

Berpuluh-puluh hari gw lewatin dengan berharap malam segera tiba supaya gw bisa segera menutup mata dan menjauhkan diri gw dari mengingat dia.

Berjuta pertanyaan terngiang di kepala gw haus untuk di jawab, dan ngga ada satu pertanyaan pun, yang bisa gw jawab.

even until now.

can't get over it !

Udah lebih dari sebulan gw putus dengan dia, yang mana gw HARUS tetep mengikuti dunia yang terus berputar meski dalam diri gw waktu seakan berhenti (which is quite hard), gw belum bisa move on.

Jangan ingatkan kalau gw terlalu cengeng dan mellow, i know it already, for sure.

Gw cuman terus bertanya-tanya dalam hati, kenapa, kenapa, dan kenapa ? Sama seperti gw selalu bertanya-tanya dalam hati kenapa tiap kali gw menginginkan sesuatu dengan sangat, gw susah banget dapetinnya, usaha yang harus gw keluarkan harus 1000x lebih keras daripada orang lain.

Kenapa ?

Jika bumi tak perlu terus berputar, jika hidup boleh dihentikan untuk sementara, mungkin gw akan memilih itu. Tapi nyatanya, bumi terus berputar and life keep on goes on. Waktu tidak diciptakan untuk dihentikan seenak kita, semood kita bagus aja. Tujuan hidupnya waktu adalah, membantu kita maksimal untuk menggenapi tujuan hidup kita.

And again, i know it for sure.

That guy told me, that if ever he can read what's in my head, so then i reply that he would be surprise if he able to read what's in my head. And it's true.

Gw bahkan ngga bisa bener-bener bilang sama sahabat gw disini sebenernya apa yang bener-bener gw rasain dan apa yang bener-bener gw pengenin. Karena bahkan untuk ngeluarin isi di kepala dan di hati gw dalam bentuk tulisan pun, gw butuh waktu lebih dari sebulan (seperti saat ini =p). I can not cry when somebody who care about me around. The only thing i can do is make them laugh. I don't want them to feel sad about me,i want them to keep in happy. And i hate the fact that they might be pitying on me. I don't know why...

But later, when it's just me, i can hardly stop crying. I don't even understand why i kept on crying, he's not worthed, That's what my best friends said. And i try to feed that thought into my mind, that he's not worthed, that he's just another guy i really like in my life who only able to messed up with my life. Only wanting me when they curious about me, when things isn't settle, but when they knew, that i have fall to them, they leave me, just like, nothing in me ever made them curious anymore.

But i can't hate him, maybe i am falling that deep to him. And that's what i actually hates.

I'm sick and tired if my friends start saying to forget him that he's not worthed and blablabla, if i able to do it, I WILL ! But the thing is, i can't even get him out of my head. How come i can forget him ??

There was a time when i'm so angry to them and said,"You don't actually know how it feels to be me ! How i actually want to get over him ! But the thing is, it's harder than what i thought ! I wish i could, deleting him from my mind, but i can't ! So why don't you just be my friends by being there because this is the time when i need you the most !"

Klo udah kya gini, rasanya pengen bakar motor.

There are a lot of things he told me as the reason for the split (and the stay friends thing). The thing is, those things aren't completely true. I was going to tell him the correction but i didn't. I'm now arrive at a point where i don't feel to explain anything, because if he really wants me, he doesn't need my explanation without asking me, or even better, he will make things work out. But he doesn't really want me. That's the only thing that hold me keep on sane.

So no more explanation, no more me, pouring my mind and what i feels, enough is enough.

Maybe now i still can't get over you, but one day i will be able to get over you.

Watch me.

update lageeh

Bener kan setia tuh susah.

Gw padahal udah berjanji sama diri gw untuk setia ngeblog, nyatanya ?? Ah, janjimu palsu, jhonny ! =D

Anyway, secara gw udah lama ngeblog, gw mau update aje yee...

So, for the last couple week, kerjaan gw ngapain yah ? Hmm, minggu lalu gw ketemuan sama au pairnya SF yang baru dateng bulan ini, yang tinggal di Wassenaar juga, orang Indonesia juga, namanya Yani. Asli jawa tulen =D. Hari minggu jalan ke centrum sama dia, mengenalkan Eazie, wok kesukaan gw di den haag, terus, ke toko asia, tadinya cuman mau beli mie goreng, cuman akhirnya jadi kalap beli tahu, tempe, daun salam (eh, ada loh ternyata, tapi cuman di toko asia =p), lengkuas, ape lagi yee, oia, gw beli bumbu tongseng juga =D.Tapi sampe berita ini diturunkan, yang kesentuh baru mie gorengnya doank, itu juga makannya sama yani pas dia maen ke tempat gw =p. Terus hari seninnya gw ketemuan lagi sama yani, kali ini lebih settle di wassenaar. Rencana awal cuman buat menjemput bakfiet gw yang gw tinggal semalem di rumahnya dia, eh,si yani jadi ikutan ke tempat gw, makan mie goreng terus dia numpang ngecek email bentar abis itu barulah kita meluncur ke centrum bentar terus ke tempatnya yani (makan lagi =p), baliknya sore dan gw tepar. Karena gw baru nyadar tadi kan ngga sempet beli keperluan seminggu gw, ya udah deh mampir di supermarket selewatan (Digros sodara2 ! buka 24 jam dan 7 hari seminggu, ada di wassenaar ! plokplokplokplokplok !).

Terus semingguan gw lewatin dengan excited karena....

I've got interview for another au pair in Belgium !

Nah, kali ini gw detail abis nih nanya ini dan itu ke si calon hostmomnya, ngga deh yah, misunderstood seperti yang kemaren terulang lagi. Dan duh, si hostmomnya tuh jelas banget ngasih tau desc job gw, ngga kya dulu yang terdengar terlalu too good to be true. jadi emang kali ini tanggung jawab gw ke anak2 lebih besar, karena si ortu pada baru balik jam 6-7pm dari kantor, udah gitu si emak sering travelling due to her job, tapi anak2 skul dari pagi sampe jam 4 sore, jadi working hours gw ngga lagi jubile kya sekarang. karena pas anak2 skul kan gw bisa santai. Anak2nya umur 7 tahun cewe dan 4 tahun cowo, klop lah.

Tapi sebenernya gw juga dapet tawaran dari denmark, fasilitas yang dia tawarkan banyak cuman kerjaan gw lebih banyak, sepadan kali yee. Cuman gw masih mikirin soal 'keluarga'gw tuh di belanda, klo gw ke denmark, jauh banget dari belanda, yang pastinya akan membuat gw harus menemukan 'keluarga'lagi buat gw. Ngerti ngga ? Jadi begini, buat gw, dewi dan keluarga omnya adalah keluarga gw, mereka adalah keluarga tanpa ikatan darah buat gw, gw ngga mau terlalu jauh dari emreka, udah cukup susah buat gw, jauh dari keluarga gw di indo, gitu loh...

Jadi yang di denmark, gw tolak. Ada juga sih, tawaran dari keluarga sweden, tapi lah, ngga masuk itungan gw lah, denmark aja udah gw itung jauh, apalagi sweden coba. Tapi gw seneng, penantian gw sibuk banget dua mingguan ini mantengin internet buat nyari hostfam, terbayar sudah =).

So guys,wait for me, i'll be home on may, but on july, i'll be back to europe, to another country. Seperti dulu yang pernah kita omongin yen ;-)

Pengen cepet mei deh =D