can't get over it !

Udah lebih dari sebulan gw putus dengan dia, yang mana gw HARUS tetep mengikuti dunia yang terus berputar meski dalam diri gw waktu seakan berhenti (which is quite hard), gw belum bisa move on.

Jangan ingatkan kalau gw terlalu cengeng dan mellow, i know it already, for sure.

Gw cuman terus bertanya-tanya dalam hati, kenapa, kenapa, dan kenapa ? Sama seperti gw selalu bertanya-tanya dalam hati kenapa tiap kali gw menginginkan sesuatu dengan sangat, gw susah banget dapetinnya, usaha yang harus gw keluarkan harus 1000x lebih keras daripada orang lain.

Kenapa ?

Jika bumi tak perlu terus berputar, jika hidup boleh dihentikan untuk sementara, mungkin gw akan memilih itu. Tapi nyatanya, bumi terus berputar and life keep on goes on. Waktu tidak diciptakan untuk dihentikan seenak kita, semood kita bagus aja. Tujuan hidupnya waktu adalah, membantu kita maksimal untuk menggenapi tujuan hidup kita.

And again, i know it for sure.

That guy told me, that if ever he can read what's in my head, so then i reply that he would be surprise if he able to read what's in my head. And it's true.

Gw bahkan ngga bisa bener-bener bilang sama sahabat gw disini sebenernya apa yang bener-bener gw rasain dan apa yang bener-bener gw pengenin. Karena bahkan untuk ngeluarin isi di kepala dan di hati gw dalam bentuk tulisan pun, gw butuh waktu lebih dari sebulan (seperti saat ini =p). I can not cry when somebody who care about me around. The only thing i can do is make them laugh. I don't want them to feel sad about me,i want them to keep in happy. And i hate the fact that they might be pitying on me. I don't know why...

But later, when it's just me, i can hardly stop crying. I don't even understand why i kept on crying, he's not worthed, That's what my best friends said. And i try to feed that thought into my mind, that he's not worthed, that he's just another guy i really like in my life who only able to messed up with my life. Only wanting me when they curious about me, when things isn't settle, but when they knew, that i have fall to them, they leave me, just like, nothing in me ever made them curious anymore.

But i can't hate him, maybe i am falling that deep to him. And that's what i actually hates.

I'm sick and tired if my friends start saying to forget him that he's not worthed and blablabla, if i able to do it, I WILL ! But the thing is, i can't even get him out of my head. How come i can forget him ??

There was a time when i'm so angry to them and said,"You don't actually know how it feels to be me ! How i actually want to get over him ! But the thing is, it's harder than what i thought ! I wish i could, deleting him from my mind, but i can't ! So why don't you just be my friends by being there because this is the time when i need you the most !"

Klo udah kya gini, rasanya pengen bakar motor.

There are a lot of things he told me as the reason for the split (and the stay friends thing). The thing is, those things aren't completely true. I was going to tell him the correction but i didn't. I'm now arrive at a point where i don't feel to explain anything, because if he really wants me, he doesn't need my explanation without asking me, or even better, he will make things work out. But he doesn't really want me. That's the only thing that hold me keep on sane.

So no more explanation, no more me, pouring my mind and what i feels, enough is enough.

Maybe now i still can't get over you, but one day i will be able to get over you.

Watch me.