first christmas all by myself

As i'm walking through days, try to forward it (but yes, i can't of course)by closing my eyes and let the time flies.

This is my first christmas being alone.

My very first white christmas. And i have nobody to share with.

I used to spent my christmas (eve and day) with my family and closest friends. BUt the new year (eve or day) usually with a lot of people that mostly i don't know.

But christmas...It should be with people you loves. Your family, your best friends ever, or maybe your suppose.

When i was at school, i always spent my christmas only with my family. My grandma's cooked, my aunt's cake, my mom's blackforest, my aunt's pudding and cookies, and all my relative either from my mom side or my dad side.

But then after i reach 19 and i was in university, i started to do it with my friends also. Usually with Agung's mom and sister. Agung is my best friend from university. And also Dharu, our best friend also, Ekky (agung's cousin) and rezal (ekky's best friend). Going around the city, spread the love with feeding the poor (christmas style of agung's family). That's christmas in 2004, and also in 2005. When Agung and Dharu actually already move to switzerland to do their hotelism bachelor degree in Montreaux.

In 2006, after Dharu died, and Agung dissapear, we still doing it. Keep the habits by joining Agung's mom and sister (we, as in Ekky, Rezal and i). Never thought that it would be our last time.

Coz on 2007, Ekky and Rezal got an accident and passed away. Both of them. yeah, i remember that in that time, i feel like i'm the most lonely person in the world and, how i feel more horrible by seeing that my one by one, my friends left me. Or i did. I don't know. But in 2007, i made a new friends, and we spent christmas together. Agus. Well, not only him, but also a bunch of other friends, but he's the best. After all the things i made his time so hard to be my friend, but he stayed. That was the most thankful thing i ever had, i think.

2008, it's a very funny christmas, coz i spent it with Mario, my new friends who we were so closed each other i don't know why =p. The thing that i remember, the one that started our friendship is just after i gave him the learn russian software. I bought it for him coz i know he wants to learn russian. The 2008 christmas is the most funny one coz we were tuck in mall teasing girls who flirted rich guy and also good looking guy, hahaha. Can't forget it even a piece =p;

And now, i am all alone.

Missing all my family and friends. Grandma, dad, mom, all my brother : sammy, ian, reva, paulus, my aunts (lina and butet), and all my best friends : agus, mariana,mario, reyhan, vano, ferdinant, yenni, inneke, nina, even bumbu...yes, i miss you too 'mbu...

But maybe i just have to learn. There will be always the first time. I pass, the first birthday without dharu, first christmas without dharu, first of everything without him, and then all the first thing without ekky dan rezal, and by the time vano went out of the country, i'm kind of used to it.

I know that GOd never leave my all by myself. He always gave me the new 'guardian angel'for me. And i know he definately send me one here also. I just has to find out who. And spend more time with my new guardian angel.

God, please make me stay positive...